Some people just naturally become the center of gravity for everyone around them.
At work, they’re the fixers. At home, they’re the caregivers.
They remember the birthdays, soothe the upsets, hold the worry so nobody else has to.
And they are amazing at it. People tell them all the time.
’We couldn’t do this without you.’
’You’re so strong.’
And they simply just smile. and brush it off.
But that tiny, nagging feeling continues. A little knot in the chest. The weight in the pit of the stomach. A constant question that asks ’What about me?’
Then comes the guilt. How ungrateful is that? Totally selfish to think of the self.
Does that feeling make one a bad person?
I think it makes them a tired one.
That small resentment that builds up over time.
And that is the mind’s way of reminding us that we have been giving for so long that there is nothing left of the person doing the giving.
It shows up at work, too. Praise comes in for reliability.
But underneath, there’s a whole gamut of feelings, most important exhaustion.
Everything else goes on hold. Hobbies, Friendships, Health. All are in the cold storage waiting to be thawed on a good day.
So we keep moving. One foot in front of the other. Walking, smiling on the outside, so nobody worries.
The irony is that when someone is the ‘strong one,’ people don’t check on them.
Everyone assumes they’re fine.
And because we’ve been so good at pretending, we’ve convinced everyone, including ourselves, that we don’t need anything.
But we do. Rest. Space. Someone to ask how we’re doing and actually wait for the real answer.
Given all of this, is the solution to quit or abandon people?
What if, instead of pushing that resentment away, we just acknowledge and accept it? ‘Yes, I feel resentful.’
What if, tomorrow morning, before jumping into everyone else’s needs, we took just five minutes for a filter coffee, for a sudoku in the newspaper, a crossword too, to just be before the world asks for something.
And what if, the next time someone asks for one more thing, we don’t say yes immediately?
Just a simple, ’Let me think about that.’ Just to give ourselves a breath to calm. Something that can be quite challenging.
Feeling stuck is exhausting. Carrying a weight nobody else can see is lonely.
But we don’t need all the answers today. We don’t need to change everything overnight.
We just need to remember that we are not just the people who take care of everyone else.
We are people, too. Worthy people. And taking care of that person is the most important thing we’ll ever do.
So let’s take a breath. Give ourselves some grace. It’s okay to be tired. It’s okay to want more.
We’re human. And that’s more than enough.
